In my last blog post I shared with you statistical data about the financial impact of divorce upon men and women and how it affects them differently. I also mentioned that I would share with you how divorcing couples might fare better if they gather the totality of the circumstances.
While some couples may want to fight and duke it out in court, many just want a decent divorce, they want to deal fairly with each other, they would consider examining the financial implications if someone would discuss this with them. In fact a couple I met with recently told me they don’t want the court to tell them what to do relating to their children. They are already in court, they have lawyers but it has been dragging on for years and draining on them emotionally and financially. They said they have been trying to “work it out” but came to me as a mediator to help them work through a single issue that was keeping them from finalizing their divorce. In just a few hours, we were able to discuss that issue and bring other issues to the surface, have a conversation and begin to discuss their various options. They left with optimism and some homework to explore and look into whether the ideas we came up with might work for them. A couple of weeks later we spoke and they are gathering the information and are optimistic that once obtained they will more easily know what their next steps are.
Ultimately couples who choose to divorce are under a lot of stress, emotions run high, they’re scared, they don’t know what will be – what will become of their assets, what they’ve worked so hard for and what their relationship with their children will be like.
With just take a little more care, a little more understanding and appreciation for what couples are going through, that a family is going through a breakup and with the economy in the condition it is today, the financial stress upon families and relationships are enormous. It is my hope that you now see the benefit of the additional resources that are readily available to couples going through divorce.
Through the strategic use and involvement of appropriate professionals such as financial advisors, business valuation companies, forensic accountants, mediators and therapists — the family can come out of a divorce a little bit better off because the time was taken to consider the economics and emotions involved. With information the solutions become clearer.
If you or someone you know is considering divorce or going through a divorce that seems to be taking a long time or is a drain on the family resources, consider sharing this blog with them.
In the meantime, feel free to post comments, share experiences, or make suggestions for future topics in the comment section below.
Sabra – I can relate to the couple you mentioned and their desire not to have a court determine what happens with their children. So glad you were able to give them options and empower them.
This is a lovely post. Even as someone who is happily married for 16 years every couple goes through their ups, downs and even outs. Couples who respect and honor the relationship they have had even if they acknowledge the time to move on can really use your advice in this series. While it will be a highly emotional experience it doesn’t have to be one that reduces your relationship to only what you say in the presence of a lawyer. Your activities to do even together are the best way to retain and maintain a relationship, even if it is not a marriage with someone who is significant in our lives.
Excellent points and reminders about the alternatives that exist – and that can be so much more useful and constructive than some of the standard or traditional paths to which so many people default.
While I am happily married, I’ve seen too many dysfunctional divorces simply because there weren’t readily available resources or knowledge of them to help. Your blog is a great step in the direction of educating everyone about those options – and definitely worth sharing!
Great words of advice. I am happy to happily married. But these are good things to consider – basically what do we want from life, our relationships, etc. And how do we communicate that. You are doing important work. Thank you.
Sabra, what an informative post regardless of ones marital status. Its great to know that even in this situation you can get a mediator (other than a lawyer) to help you assess what is the best course of action for a amicable divorce. This is such good info all women need to be aware of. Your work is so needed & empowering. Thanks for sharing.
Hi Sabra – this is really relevant information, regardless of one’s married/divorced state. It’s amazing to me that so many people neglect to go to a third party mediator – there’s always the possibility of getting new, creative ideas that you just haven’t thought of because you’ve been dealing for the issue for too long by yourselves.
Thanks for a great post!
Hi Sabra! I love your write up, it’s so important to learn about even if your married and happy. I have always believed that marriage will be the MOST important contract that a person will sign in their lifetime. Just like all contracts the buyer must beware that at times this contract might dismantle and what happens when it does. Sometimes, it’s powerful to know what to do during the happy chapters of marriage so if in fact it does fall apart all is understood. Your work is empowering and so critical to women everywhere, married, divorce or single, we women need to understand our contacts more and honor the power of one of the most important ones we may enter.