In my last blog post, I shared briefly with you about a presentation I recently gave to inspire attorneys to think outside the box, to consider the totality of the circumstances affecting couples going through divorce.  I presented a series of tough questions that couples face when divorcing and I was about to share the statistics which may be considered by such couples in helping them to reach a fair and equitable resolution.

My statistical data research revealed that on average men typically experience an increase in their financial well being post divorce – one statistic even indicated that following a divorce a man’s average income increases by a third.  Of course, some men’s status may remain unchanged, however, on the average men seem to benefit financially from divorce substantially more than women.

On the other-hand, a substantial percentage of women wind up in poverty following divorce – women suffer financially much more than men after divorce.  Reasons?  If the couple had children, women are more likely to have stayed home with them thus interrupting or even abandoning a career for a number of years.  Being out of the workforce seriously impacts her prospects for future employment and even when women do find work after divorce, they often are paid less and receive a lesser income further widening the generally recognized male/female wage gap.  Although there have been many efforts to tighten and reduce the wage gap, the reality is that many women still earn proportionately less than their male counterparts.

While in many divorces former husbands are required to pay child support, it is often insufficient when compounded by the combination of deferred or nonexistent career prior to divorce and the income she can secure and the single responsibility for the children after divorce.  All of this combined can have a major and devastating impact on career, income and financial stability for women and absent maintenance payments from her former husband she faces financial challenges following the end of her marriage and perhaps the rest of her life.

While you may be thinking that there are some great dads that do share in the responsibility of caring for the children, in many cases men fail to honor their commitments or comply with court orders obligating them to pay support.  And this places even more of a financial burden on the former wife, not only because she isn’t receiving the support payments to which she is entitled, but because of the burden to pursue collection efforts – both in time and money.

Another source of financial burdens on a former wife is housing costs where she now has to deal with the expense of maintaining the marital residence, including maintenance and repairs, if it was set aside for her in the settlement agreement or by divorce decree; or she must incur the expense to establish a new home – if she purchases she needs the upfront down payment and the closing costs and if she rents then she needs the first month, security and broker commission in addition, in both instances, to moving costs.

In addition, divorce tends to disrupt retirement plans or programs previously in place and although the laws provide for “equitable distribution” of the assets, as a practical matter, retirement plans are difficult to divide.

I share this data with you, not to frighten or scare you, but to share with you the statistics.  This doesn’t mean they apply to your particularly situation or circumstance but should be considered nonetheless.  There are, of course, situations where some women come out of divorce and their financial situations soar due to various reasons.

I shared this information with the attorneys in the audience because I feel that as the professionals, clients come to us for guidance and expertise and a reality check.  It is important for lawyers and clients both to understand the potential financial effects of divorce so that they can plan better for the termination of their marriage.  While many people are focused upon the end result, the divorce and “how much they will get”, they don’t take into consideration to costs and what their actual needs are.  The simple question, what do I need?  That question can quickly propel a couple into the solution, the answer, of what is keeping them from resolving their divorce and bleeding them of their life’s savings.

From my experience as a mediator, once the couple focuses upon what they need rather than what they want (which is often stemming from their emotional state) they notice a dramatic leap forward to resolving and ending their marriage – which is ultimately what they want and why they started the process in the first place. For most couples, they just don’t know what that will look like.  They are concerned about how much of their assets will be “lost” and fearful about how their relationship with their children will be affected as a result of their impending divorce.

In my next blog post, I share with you what I shared with my lawyer audience as to how they can more effectively service their next client and move you, the divorcing couple closer to your final divorce papers.

In the meantime, feel free to post comments, share experiences, or make suggestions for future topics in the comment section below.

Tags: divorce, equitable distribution, financial advisor, litigate, litigated divorce, mediate, mediated divorce, New York, no fault, Sabra Sasson